The Big Hike Prep Quiz

Before you hit the trail, take my 5-step quiz to find out if you're primed for action or disaster

A)     Describe your sleep patterns for the last week:

1.       I close out my nights with Leno and wake up when my baby screams for me at 5:00 A.M.

2.       I keep waking up to add stuff to my Facebook page, so it’s sorta like I get three 2-hour naps a night. That's cool, right?

3.       I have a date with my bed from 10 P.M. to 6 A.M. every night.

B)      When do you plan on packing your backpack/gear?

1.       The morning I leave.

2.       The night before I leave.

3.       I’ve already packed it once, but then repacked it when I thought of some more useful clothes to bring.

C)      How have your energy levels been?

1.       I’m so exhausted that I’ve been mainlining 8 Red Bulls a day to survive.

2.       Fine, but a night watching the first season of Mad Men on DVD sounds very attractive.

3.       I feel antsy, restless. I find myself cleaning the house for no reason at all.

D)     The last time you exercised was?

1.       This morning, after I stood on the scale. I saw I’d gained 3 pounds and determined that a 15-mile run was in order.

2.       Last Wednesday, when I went on a 20-mile mountain-bike ride with my buddies after work that entailed 4,000 feet of climbing.

3.       Does walking the dog count?

E)      Before leaving who did you tell about your trip?

1.       Who cares? I want to get away from people, right?

2.       I told my spouse what nearest town was.

3.       I left my spouse a copy of a topo map with my route highlighted and the Forest Service headquarters’ number written on it with a Sharpie. And I made sure my health and life insurance premiums were paid up.

Add up your scores and see where you fit in.

5-8 points = Dude, do you remember how Into the Wild ended? He freakin’ died.

9-11 = If you’re traveling with a group, stick with it. Hopefully someone smarter than you is in it.

12-15 = I hear NOLS is taking applications for guides.