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| Post Number: 1
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quietone 
Group: Members
Posts: 327
Joined: Nov. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 12:44 pm |
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In my mind the morning took shape with these thought getting in the way of my solitude,,, Long trip for this winter is now being combined with pressing chores around the house. Finally going to attack the southern exposure (exterior) of my home with a new scheme of glass and wood. Got the punch list ingrained ..several anxious moments upon which lies the overall ecstatic appeal went into the decision process of this undertaking yet.. stop, a recent conversation has gotten in the way. Thanksgiving is about to find my home filled with several loved ones (this year the count is something like more than eleven with a few "off the road" guest and friends)nevertheless I still want to venture out and sleep in the wild so lasts Sunday morn while enjoying coffee and the paper I wondered aloud how she would feel if I were to leave on Turkey day for the southern Appalachians.... you know- miss the partial family gather and that way I would be able to squeeze out an extra day backpacking. Never would consider this but the extra day backpacking has a certain if not given appeal to me. She didn't have a problem with this? ???? In fact , she seemed all for it. What does that mean? Should I stay or should I go? Lord knows that the dinner will truly be missed. The brief visits with the children and their children yeah that too but time being what it is well getting out for a bit has a hold on my heart... Kinda tugging rather gently within my sub-conscious. I certainly should know better than to hurt her feelings and yet one would have thought that I would have taken all that into consideration BEFORE I opened my mouth . What would you do?
PS: I seldom post but while I am at it ... What do you call a Frog that has stopped in a No Parking Zone?
Towed.. (toad)
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Find your path and share it.
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| Post Number: 2
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ol-zeke
me in the Tetons
Group: Members
Posts: 10801
Joined: Sep. 2002
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 12:50 pm |
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Any time one gets the approval of a loved one to be gone for a short time, we should take it. The fact that you will miss a dinner with family is to be considered, but she must have thought about that also, before telling you to go.
Those of us with similar love for the outdoors can understand your need to sleep in the woods. Family obligations sometimes have to be balanced with our sanity.
As long as it is plain that your spouse meant what she said, I say start planning your road trip.
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Everything I know, I learned by doing it wrong at least twice.
The easiest way to ruin a Friday is to realize it is only Tuesday.
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| Post Number: 3
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Tigger
Woods Pouncer
Group: Members
Posts: 10519
Joined: Apr. 2005
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 12:50 pm |
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I'd go to the Thanksgiving dinner. Three reasons...the extra time out would be felt feeling guilty (already sunk in) and...One day of compromise is no big deal. Relationships are more important in my mind.
That is just my opinion.
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If I'm going to be lost, in the woods is where I want to be...
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| Post Number: 4
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Lamebeaver
trail? I don't need no stinkin trail!
Group: Members
Posts: 16231
Joined: Aug. 2004
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 12:57 pm |
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I think you should do what you want to do and think is right, instead of asking us for advice. There's no way we can know the particulars of your situation.
PS. When your wife says "Go" it doesn't always mean she wants you to "Go".
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| Post Number: 5
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High_Sierra_Fan
Group: Members
Posts: 39589
Joined: Aug. 2005
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 1:11 pm |
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Mean? That she quietly noted you'd rather dump all the cleanup of an eleven person plus gathering on her to grab for yourself an extra day out playing without her.
And was dually appreciative of getting fair notice of her priority in your life. Accurate information always being a useful thing.
Hope you have a nice travel.
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| Post Number: 6
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hikerjer
Group: Members
Posts: 9144
Joined: Apr. 2002
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 1:21 pm |
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Be careful. This is fraught with danger.
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"Too often I have met men who boast only of how many miles they've traveled and not of what they've seen." - Louis L'Amour
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| Post Number: 7
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| Post Number: 8
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High_Sierra_Fan
Group: Members
Posts: 39589
Joined: Aug. 2005
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 1:33 pm |
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Oh I don't know, as Lamebeaver notes it so much depends on their overall relationship. My point can cover the spectrum from shrugged off to savored and fermented until that last bit of the breakup speech where all the really good bile is spewed.. and most everything in between.
But there's no ducking that bailing from the responsibilities of an event they're hosting is a clear statement of priorities.
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| Post Number: 9
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Marmotstew
Group: Members
Posts: 8703
Joined: May 2006
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 1:34 pm |
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Fake your own kidnapping. Leave a ransom note in the turkey.
I would go. Thanksgiving is a trumped up holiday anyways. Can't you see your family any other normal time of the year?
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I'd rather be Facebooking watching videos of cats licking themselves
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| Post Number: 10
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RebeccaD
Double Arch, Arches N.P.
Group: Members
Posts: 9872
Joined: Jul. 2004
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 1:54 pm |
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I'm with Tigger. First, I don't care what your wife said, she's going to feel weird when everyone starts asking where you are on TG. Drive to the TH after the dishes are done, but not before.
Second--time with family is precious. You've said some are from away. Unless you have reasons why you'd rather not see the kinsfolk, do it now. While you can, because you never know.
Just my opinion, of course ;)
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Bits of writerly thoughts and random short fiction found at
The Ninja Librarian Blog
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| Post Number: 11
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tarol
Well I never!
Group: Members
Posts: 10298
Joined: Mar. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 1:57 pm |
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Skip out on turkey and all the fixins? Are you nuts? Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday  The only time I skipped it for an outdoors adventure was when I was single and in a state with no relatives or close friends anywhere nearby.
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Got elevation? www.tarol.com
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| Post Number: 12
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hoosierdaddy
Trophy spouse
Group: Members
Posts: 2753
Joined: Mar. 2002
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 2:34 pm |
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Here, maybe this mathmatical formula from a recent class on, "Understanding Women 101" will help you:
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God, I am going to regret this someday!
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| Post Number: 13
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reubenstump
Los Cuernos
Group: Members
Posts: 932
Joined: Sep. 2011
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 3:02 pm |
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My wife and I do this often. Sometimes we take trips together, sometimes separately. The key is coming back to each other.
Even when I'm by myself I notice things that she may like or be able to do (severely limited by back/nerve/spine issues). And, once in a while, she goes with me on a smaller, followup trip, and enjoys it.
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| Post Number: 14
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spindle
Group: Members
Posts: 22197
Joined: Dec. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 5:42 pm |
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You don't dump a houseful of holiday guests on a woman and not expect negative, unpleasant life complications.
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| Post Number: 15
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DukeFan
Group: Members
Posts: 979
Joined: Jul. 2011
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 5:53 pm |
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Gotta agree with some of the others: Honor your holiday obligations and later in the evening take off or better yet, start the next morning. Next year plan to be away.
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| Post Number: 16
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ol-zeke
me in the Tetons
Group: Members
Posts: 10801
Joined: Sep. 2002
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 6:10 pm |
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Who's family? Can't they help clean up? Won't he be there to do the cleaning before the guests arrive? Didn't she get an input from the start? She said it was OK, so I would have to take her at her word. Playing games is not the adult way to communicate. If she really wanted him to stay home, she had that opportunity.
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Everything I know, I learned by doing it wrong at least twice.
The easiest way to ruin a Friday is to realize it is only Tuesday.
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| Post Number: 17
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Echo
Group: Members
Posts: 6380
Joined: May 2008
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 6:20 pm |
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I'm struggling to remember, but wasn't it you who had some serious life threatening illness, cancer? If I remember that right then I think you have had some time and reason for judging your priorites. Sometimes compromise just isn't what is needed and other times you have to put others first. I wish you a great Thanksgiving and think only you know what you have in your life that you are most thankful for. Honor that.
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If Light is in your heart, you will find your way Home. (Rumi)
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. Chinese proverb
http://echo-echosvoice.blogspot.com/
http://duffybarkley.blogspot.com/
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| Post Number: 18
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GottaGamble
Group: Members
Posts: 1276
Joined: Sep. 2009
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 6:31 pm |
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I would stay with my family on Thanksgiving..even if she said go. Obviously you know it would be wrong to not be there, as you already feel guilty and you are posting this question on this forum, unsure of what to do. Your heart is telling you to stay and be with your children and grand children..you will be missing everyone on thanksgiving night as you lay in your tent in the quiet evening. leave to go early the next morning..heck even if you only get out for a short one nighter..never pass up time with your kids.
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www.mybackpacking.blog.com
"A government big enough to give you everything
you want is strong enough to take everything you have."
Gerald Ford
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| Post Number: 19
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big_load
Group: Members
Posts: 21841
Joined: Jun. 2004
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 6:31 pm |
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(spindle @ Nov. 09 2012, 5:42 pm)
QUOTE You don't dump a houseful of holiday guests on a woman and not expect negative, unpleasant life complications.
I figure that despite having asked, he knows the right answer. 
Unless, of course, she means it, in which case he should really be worried.
Seriously, though, quietone is the only one besides her with any idea how she really feels about it, so I wouldn't guess. However, despite being the king of slinking off to do my own thing, this isn't an event I would bail out on.
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| Post Number: 20
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spindle
Group: Members
Posts: 22197
Joined: Dec. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 7:21 pm |
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(big_load @ Nov. 09 2012, 6:31 pm)
QUOTE
(spindle @ Nov. 09 2012, 5:42 pm)
QUOTE You don't dump a houseful of holiday guests on a woman and not expect negative, unpleasant life complications. I figure that despite having asked, he knows the right answer. Unless, of course, she means it, in which case he should really be worried. Seriously, though, quietone is the only one besides her with any idea how she really feels about it, so I wouldn't guess. However, despite being the king of slinking off to do my own thing, this isn't an event I would bail out on.
I'm thinking that if he's all aghast at her having said go that it's completely out of character for her.
I'm thinking it's a dare.
Dibs on his gear!
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| Post Number: 21
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RebeccaD
Double Arch, Arches N.P.
Group: Members
Posts: 9872
Joined: Jul. 2004
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 10:06 pm |
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(spindle @ Nov. 09 2012, 4:21 pm)
QUOTE
(big_load @ Nov. 09 2012, 6:31 pm)
QUOTE
(spindle @ Nov. 09 2012, 5:42 pm)
QUOTE You don't dump a houseful of holiday guests on a woman and not expect negative, unpleasant life complications. I figure that despite having asked, he knows the right answer. Unless, of course, she means it, in which case he should really be worried. Seriously, though, quietone is the only one besides her with any idea how she really feels about it, so I wouldn't guess. However, despite being the king of slinking off to do my own thing, this isn't an event I would bail out on. I'm thinking that if he's all aghast at her having said go that it's completely out of character for her. I'm thinking it's a dare. Dibs on his gear!
So you're thinking he'll be gone, alright. . . And she'll be on here asking for some folks with shovels and lime?
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Bits of writerly thoughts and random short fiction found at
The Ninja Librarian Blog
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| Post Number: 22
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spindle
Group: Members
Posts: 22197
Joined: Dec. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 10:37 pm |
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(RebeccaD @ Nov. 09 2012, 10:06 pm)
QUOTE
(spindle @ Nov. 09 2012, 4:21 pm)
QUOTE
(big_load @ Nov. 09 2012, 6:31 pm)
QUOTE
(spindle @ Nov. 09 2012, 5:42 pm)
QUOTE You don't dump a houseful of holiday guests on a woman and not expect negative, unpleasant life complications. I figure that despite having asked, he knows the right answer. Unless, of course, she means it, in which case he should really be worried. Seriously, though, quietone is the only one besides her with any idea how she really feels about it, so I wouldn't guess. However, despite being the king of slinking off to do my own thing, this isn't an event I would bail out on. I'm thinking that if he's all aghast at her having said go that it's completely out of character for her. I'm thinking it's a dare. Dibs on his gear! So you're thinking he'll be gone, alright. . . And she'll be on here asking for some folks with shovels and lime?
We never refuse an honest request for hole digging.
Especially if there's tequila. And there always is.
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| Post Number: 23
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City Man
Group: Members
Posts: 6490
Joined: Dec. 2007
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Posted on: Nov. 09 2012, 10:52 pm |
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Sounds so sweet, but then again. CityWoman would happily let be take off when ever I feel like doing so. Then again there are times I would want to go but there is just way to much hidden and overt baggage attached to the outing. I always pass on those times, I think CW knows that, hence the open invitation to go as I feel. Only you truly know your reality and what you should or will do. I would just enjoy the company for what it is.
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It never hurts to do good – Eek the Cat
The quest for adventure is a never ending pursuit, an all consuming way to live life, it is a deep feeling that will never go away, embrace that feeling and have fun with your adventures.
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| Post Number: 24
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| Post Number: 25
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GottaGamble
Group: Members
Posts: 1276
Joined: Sep. 2009
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Posted on: Nov. 10 2012, 2:07 am |
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HAHAHAA..go..don't go...go..don't go. No, really, you should go..you better not go. Just go..do not go. Ok ok ok..honestly, you should go. I don't think its a good idea to go. Go, don't go. Everything will be fine if she told u to go. If you do go, its over. I would go. I wouldn't go.....so u asked..whadda ya think? Did you really think that asking that question would help you decide? Has it helped? I'm dying to know what you decide to do. You had to expect every answer you got on this post...soooooo..what will it be?? To go or not to go?
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www.mybackpacking.blog.com
"A government big enough to give you everything
you want is strong enough to take everything you have."
Gerald Ford
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| Post Number: 26
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DukeFan
Group: Members
Posts: 979
Joined: Jul. 2011
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Posted on: Nov. 10 2012, 8:46 pm |
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GottaGamble, you forgot about the dibs on his gear from folks here!
I'm thinking that she'll have to kick him out the back door and help load up his gear to convince him that he should go...
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| Post Number: 27
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no_granola
minor deity
Group: Members
Posts: 12569
Joined: Dec. 2004
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Posted on: Nov. 10 2012, 9:09 pm |
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I say do what you wish as she said yes. At this point, it's about what's most important TO YOU at this point in time.
Of course I should point out that I've traditionally just broken up with women who can't seem to say what they mean and be honest about it.
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The difference between people who think for themselves and those that follow the herd is that thinking people aren't afraid of reality.
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| Post Number: 28
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quietone
Group: Members
Posts: 327
Joined: Nov. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 11 2012, 2:34 am |
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Well it seems the ulterior motive came out yesterday during a shed raising for the Hotrod. The invitation for one family to come was actually a self invitation by said step daughter to have Thanksgiving at Mamabear's home.
The other step daughter I feel is concerned with the taking advantage of Mamabears love. She is wanting ......seems like something one might read in a "dear abbey" .
No matter what all the subterfuge is I came to the realization that my wife has once again shown me the value of true love. Her immediate and emphatic answer has given me support but also gives rise to the thought of how we too click. She has known for sometime the nature of my primordial timing in life and the urge to answer the call each and every early winter. I really feel like the trip is not a bother but an easy for her. The mere fact that I still want to get out is evidence enough that all is indeed well within and that no matter how this "other stuff" turns out I may leave with her blessing!! How cool is that. (spindle- dibs on his gear-that was funny).
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Find your path and share it.
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| Post Number: 29
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| Post Number: 30
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QCHIKER
Group: Members
Posts: 1728
Joined: Oct. 2009
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Posted on: Nov. 11 2012, 8:26 am |
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If my wife had saidthis I know it would have been sarcastically said. Meaning I better stay or else there will be hell to pay later.
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Survival Skills 101 • Eat Better
