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Topic: Best lame jokes for the Holidays, Impress your family at Christmas< Next Oldest | Next Newest >
 Post Number: 1
zipposdad Search for posts by this member.

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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 10:40 am  Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Two men walked into a bar, The third one ducked!

Next...


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Teach your babies to camp  :D
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Marmotstew Search for posts by this member.

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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 10:51 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

How does the gingerbread man make his bed? With cookie sheets.
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zipposdad Search for posts by this member.

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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 10:52 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Termite walks into a bar. Walks up to the bar, slams down his fist and yells
Tell me where is the bar  tender.

Ok lets hear your lame jokes


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Tigger Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 11:23 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

What sound does a reindeer cow make?


Moo...All cows go moo.


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If I'm going to be lost, in the woods is where I want to be...
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OldGuyWalkin Search for posts by this member.

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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 12:02 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Guy gets lost in the North Pole and finds Santa's workshop full of elves, banging away making toys.
Guy asks Santa, "I have always wondered, how do you know how to make all this stuff?"
Santa replies, "Smart pills."
"Smart pills?"
"Yup," says Santa holding out some small brown pills, "Try one."
Guy puts one in his mouth and chews and then spits it out, "Tastes like reindeer turds."
Santa says, "See, you are smarter already."
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tarol Search for posts by this member.
Well I never!
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:30 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus


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tarol Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:31 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!


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tarol Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:31 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

What do you call a person who is scared of Santa?
Claus-trophobic!


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tarol Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:32 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Why does Santa wear red underwear?
He's a man--he did all his laundry in one load


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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:32 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(tarol @ Dec. 20 2012, 1:31 pm)
QUOTE
What do you call a person who is scared of Santa?
Claus-trophobic!

I need to use this on everyone I "dislike".   :O

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The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.  -- St. Augustine
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tarol Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:33 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Where do Santa's reindeer like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen for a Blizzard!


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 Post Number: 12
tarol Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 4:33 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low elf esteem


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 Post Number: 13
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 5:23 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, "Is this a joke?"

Rumi


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“This is my Indian summer ... I'm far more dangerous now, because I don't care at all.”
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 5:27 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

My wife likes to talk dirty to me when she makes love.  Last night she called me from a motel.

Rumi       <~~~~~gets no respect


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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 6:51 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I knew i had been overserved at thr Christmas party so, i took a cab home.

Now the garage is full and I have to park in the street.


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"Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again...They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave."
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 20 2012, 8:04 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Santa and his reindeer landed on top of an outhouse?
Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered - NO NO Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"
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 Post Number: 17
hiking_tiger Search for posts by this member.
sekk, plyndre, og deretter brenne
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 21 2012, 1:44 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Seems this eagle tried to make off with a Canadian toddler and, well, he...he...awww, nevermind.

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“Sometimes you have to be ready to receive the information before it can take hold.” – C. Schwarz

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” – Attributed to the Buddhism tradition…
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 Post Number: 18
hiking_tiger Search for posts by this member.
sekk, plyndre, og deretter brenne
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PostIcon Posted on: Dec. 21 2012, 1:47 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic.  Ignore posts   QUOTE


(RumiDude @ Dec. 20 2012, 4:23 pm)
QUOTE
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, "Is this a joke?"

Rumi

Two Jews walk into a bar...it was a He'brew beer ad.

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“Sometimes you have to be ready to receive the information before it can take hold.” – C. Schwarz

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” – Attributed to the Buddhism tradition…
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17 replies since Dec. 20 2012, 10:40 am < Next Oldest | Next Newest >

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