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Echo 
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Joined: May 2008
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 12:25 pm |
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One of the people I most love working with is a young man, only 34. He is dean of students at the Jr high and not only disciplines with kindness, he is willing to hug a special ed student or stop by a students home with food or clothing. His wife is a high school math teacher on leave for a year with a new baby born last summer. Both my boys had her and loved her class and she Inspired my sons girlfriend to be a math teacher. In short, they are a couple who have done an amazing amount of good for the youth in this community.
But sometimes things turn on a dime and life breaks and can't be fixed. He was At an administrators Christmas party the Friday before Christmas and had a few drinks, enough that a couple people asked if they could drive him home but he wanted to get back to his baby and said he was fine. On a straight stretch his car wandered into the other lane and did a head on with a car driven by a 67 year old grandpa who had just dropped off gifts as his grandkids. Both men had to be cut out of shattered vehicles and the 67 year old was dead. My young friend is in critical condition and was taken to the local hospital but flown somewhere bigger.
It's tragic, stupid, sad beyond understanding. I have no idea what will happen if he recovers. I don't think he'll ever do his job again. A drunken man slaughter charge, prison time? No idea what will happen in those terms. Some people here who would normally be unforgiving, he was driving drunk, shoot him, are more willing to forgive this time but then there is the victims family, I don't know them but if it was my Dad I'd be pretty unforgiving I am sure.
Any ideas how similar cases have resolved?
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If Light is in your heart, you will find your way Home. (Rumi)
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. Chinese proverb
http://echo-echosvoice.blogspot.com/
http://duffybarkley.blogspot.com/
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ol-zeke
me in the Tetons
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 12:34 pm |
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My best guess, based on current laws, would be 3 yrs in custody, divorce, new career. Not many families stay together over this sort of thing. I am fairly certain no educational system will hire him with a felony conviction.
If the courts are lenient, he will get probation, maybe a community service tab, but I would still expect a change of career, and the strain will break up the marriage.
Not good news at all. However, others realized his impairment, yet failed to take his keys or call the cops. Enough blame to go around at that gathering. I wonder how those folks are taking it? There is some guilt when a person realizes they had the power to prevent this tragedy.
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Everything I know, I learned by doing it wrong at least twice.
The easiest way to ruin a Friday is to realize it is only Tuesday.
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| Post Number: 3
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wwwest
Group: Members
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Joined: Dec. 2002
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 12:40 pm |
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What a sad and tragic story, but one that seems to occur over and over.
Mostly I feel so sad for his wife and child whose lives have been shattered by his drunken decision. Too bad someone didn't take away his car keys.
Makes you wish that all cars had ignition locks that test alcohol in the breath of the driver.
If he recovers he will undoubtedly be prosecuted, as he should be.
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Deborah
Deborah - 18 months
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 12:44 pm |
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You are right Vince, I can see some serious lawsuits coming from the family of the victim. The owner of the home, where the party was held, will likely be named as well as any others who were at the party when he left drunk. Of course he might not even survive, but if he does, yes jail time is in order. I suspect vehicular homicide could be charged.
It was an incredibly stupid thing to do.
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“What we need is production by the masses, not mass-production” Gandhi
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” David Russell
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| Post Number: 5
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Three
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Group: Members
Posts: 765
Joined: Dec. 2011
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 12:50 pm |
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(ol-zeke @ Dec. 29 2012, 12:34 pm)
QUOTE My best guess, based on current laws, would be 3 yrs in custody, divorce, new career. Not many families stay together over this sort of thing. I am fairly certain no educational system will hire him with a felony conviction.
If the courts are lenient, he will get probation, maybe a community service tab, but I would still expect a change of career, and the strain will break up the marriage.
Not good news at all. However, others realized his impairment, yet failed to take his keys or call the cops. Enough blame to go around at that gathering. I wonder how those folks are taking it? There is some guilt when a person realizes they had the power to prevent this tragedy.
We all do terribly wrong things at times in our lives. DUI is not one of my sins, I have enough others, but in one way or another, most all of us can say "there but for the grace of God go I"
Ol Zeke has a point about the responsibilty of us all to look after each other.
His friends have a choice. They can fade into the woodwork or stand with him in love. Not to lessen the wrong or even the penalties to come but to comfort all involved including this young man and his family.
I can't argue with the statistics Ol Zeke points to on divorce but it doesn't have to be that way. Encouraging this couple to stay together is probably one of the best ways to help but it will take long term commitment of friends.
My God is the God of second chances.
Regards,
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High_Sierra_Fan
Group: Members
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 1:17 pm |
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He, at least, has the minor ( and in no way mitigating) excuse that his judgement was impaired but all those others who recognized his lack of judgenent and still stood by and let him go out and kill?
Now there's a group without the slightest excuse.
Jail is a possibility but even drunk murder isn't ofen taken that seriously. For all his enablers from that party? A lot of community service responding to drunk driving auto crashes to sweep up the blood little broken toys and all the rest.
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| Post Number: 9
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OregonNomad
Group: Members
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Joined: Jul. 2012
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 1:28 pm |
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Man, that's so sad. As someone said, lots of blame to go around. How many lives are going to be damaged or ruined as a result of the events of this one night?
A long time ago I resolved to never have more than 2 drinks at any party (assuming I choose to partake at all) and to space them out an hour apart with some food thrown in, and to wait an hour after the last drink before getting behind the wheel.
Any party or get together I have, the strongest alcohol available is beer--albeit GOOD beer (i.e. microbrew), and I keep an eye on how many the guests consume. Yeah, that means I don't throw BIG parties.
And I'm not afraid to take someone's keys and make them get a ride home. I'll even pay for a cab if necessary.
How many tragedies could be avoided by the use of some forethought?
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Servant of two house cats
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| Post Number: 10
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Echo
Group: Members
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Joined: May 2008
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 2:45 pm |
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Yeah, I have no idea how this will end but obviously it will have long lasting effects. I like the idea that those who were at the party could help support the wife and baby some and I know the other teachers here have been excellent at supporting other families with long term issues like cancer so I see hope of that. It feels like the school district, without taking legal responsability should still do something for the 67 year old mans family too. It's a really small community so a lot of people will have known both people involved.
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If Light is in your heart, you will find your way Home. (Rumi)
The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. Chinese proverb
http://echo-echosvoice.blogspot.com/
http://duffybarkley.blogspot.com/
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| Post Number: 11
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mbear
Group: Members
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 2:57 pm |
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I don't have any sympathy. If I did something that stupid I'd probably hope for death, as I could never live with killing another person because I was too arrogant to ignore the enormous dangers of drinking when I knew I had to make a drive back home. To hell with the driver; I hate this general attitude that a few drinks are no big deal when there is so much evidence to the contrary. I hope he gets the book thrown at him if he survives. Anyone who has been drunk at least once in his life knows his motor skills and responsiveness goes to hell.
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| Post Number: 12
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no_granola
minor deity
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 2:58 pm |
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There is only one person to blame. I feel sorry for him and the friends and family of the man that died.
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The difference between people who think for themselves and those that follow the herd is that thinking people aren't afraid of reality.
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| Post Number: 13
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Lorax
Cultured hillbilly swine
Group: Members
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 3:13 pm |
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"On a straight stretch his car wandered into the other lane and did a head on with a car driven by a 67 year old grandpa"
Yeah....let's blame the car.
"I don't think he'll ever do his job again. A drunken man slaughter charge, prison time? "
Hopefully both.
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| Post Number: 14
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buddero
Group: Members
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 4:16 pm |
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"Fortune changes like the swish of a horse's tail."
Sad all the way around.
Culturally we're waaaay to casual about our (cultural) drug of choice. It's a strong and very often deadly drug though. Alcohol kills around 70,000 people/year in the US, maims many more (the ongoing effects of alcohol-fueled MVA injuries are far greater than most people imagine), is directly linked to countless rapes among college students yearly, has long-term (often lifelong) effects on children of alcoholics, so on and so forth.
"Drinks! Drinks for my friends!"
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Reach out your hand, if your cup be empty
If your cup is full, may it be again
Journal and links to refugees, backpacking, travel in Asia, photos, honky-tonk angels, other beautiful things...
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| Post Number: 15
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Ben2World
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 4:23 pm |
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What a waste of two lives -- one literally and the other figuratively.
But if we are serious at all about "freedom-responsibility" -- then we all must be made to be accountable for our choices and actions. Especially something this serious.
No good ending whatsoever. But let's not ruin the situation even more with a travesty of justice! One family lost a husband / father / grandfather. A mere probation plus a fine would be a travesty of justice.
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The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page. -- St. Augustine
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TravisNWood
W Y O M I N G
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 5:06 pm |
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I still find it just pathetic that a school administrators' Christmas party feels some need to allow alcoholic beverages for a good time. I may be completely alone in this, but hell if I'd want any of those people teaching my kids!
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Location — Wyoming
Webpages — Cloud Peak Wilderness Maps — Rocky Mountain Wildlife
Photos — Bighorn Mountains — Wyoming Steppes
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hikerjer
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 7:09 pm |
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There seems to be a bit of self-rightousness in these threads. Not that I am condoning his behavior in any way. It was inexcusable. But we all make tragic mistakes in our lives that could easily lead to tragedy. Who amon us hasn't been spared terrible consequences as a result of their actions simpley because of sheer dumb luck? One of the great injuustices of life is that we can do everything right for years and years, time and time again, and then just one lapse of judgment changes everything, often tragically, as was the case with your friend. All one can say is that it is so very very sad.
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"Too often I have met men who boast only of how many miles they've traveled and not of what they've seen." - Louis L'Amour
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nogods
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 8:40 pm |
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It's the 21st century. There is no reason for anyone to ingest alcohol and then drive a car.
I can emphasize with the concern of the friends and family of this man. No one likes to see a friend or family member go through what he is going to go through.
But I don't have to condemn the man to condemn the act. And I don't have to excuse the behavior or accept it.
Personally I don't think jail does much good in such situations. The victims and the rest of society can be better served by this man by an alternative sentence rather than incarcerating him. The alternative sentence can be sever enough to dissuade others from engaging in such behavior.
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Ben2World
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 11:05 pm |
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(RumiDude @ Dec. 29 2012, 7:29 pm)
QUOTE
(TravisNWood @ Dec. 29 2012, 2:06 pm)
QUOTE I still find it just pathetic that a school administrators' Christmas party feels some need to allow alcoholic beverages for a good time. I may be completely alone in this, but hell if I'd want any of those people teaching my kids! In my opinion, there should be no drinking unless they agree not to drive afterwards ... no alchohol period. If you consume alchohol, then you have to surrender your car keys. Rumi
Rumi:
Are you applying that only to school administrators/teachers -- or to everyone, everywhere?
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The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page. -- St. Augustine
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Hiker01
Group: Members
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2012, 11:45 pm |
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I tell my fourteen year old that her choices have consequences. He made the decision to get behind the wheel when he shouldn't have. It's very sad for both families however.
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| Post Number: 30
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BCPete1
Group: Members
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Posted on: Dec. 30 2012, 12:04 am |
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(hikerjer @ Dec. 29 2012, 7:09 pm)
QUOTE There seems to be a bit of self-rightousness in these threads. Not that I am condoning his behavior in any way. It was inexcusable. But we all make tragic mistakes in our lives that could easily lead to tragedy. Who amon us hasn't been spared terrible consequences as a result of their actions simpley because of sheer dumb luck? One of the great injuustices of life is that we can do everything right for years and years, time and time again, and then just one lapse of judgment changes everything, often tragically, as was the case with your friend. All one can say is that it is so very very sad.
I'm afraid to get too far into this discussion because it should go to TPA then, but ...
Respectfully, I really can't agree with what you said.
Self-rightousness? My somewhat 'right wing' opinion is earned ... back in 1988 I was nailed by a drunk doing about 50mph on a downtown city street - driving an F350 with a nice big winch on the front. I was lucky that I saw him from far enough away that I managed to almost stop my vehicle before he nailed us head-on. Even then, my compact truck (Chevy S10) was pushed back about 25 feet from the impact. I escaped with some quality bruises in a lot of places (especially from the seat belt), and really sore hands (the steering wheel folded into the dash - with my knuckles in the way). Oh yeah, the guy was a runner so the cops had to track him down with dogs. The crazy thing of it was that this guy was lucky ... if he would have done what he did just 10 minutes later, he would have plowed into a line of people waiting on the sidewalk for a movie to start - he jumped the curb onto a sidewalk beside a theater, before somehow over-correcting and coming back onto the road to hit me. So yes, I'm very self righteous about drunk driving. Good grief, I can't imagine how militant my views would be if I had a family member or friend killed by a drunk driver.
This man (or any drunk driver) is guilty of a pre-meditated crime ... which is exactly what drunk driving is. Do you honestly believe in this day & age (with all the awareness that drunk driving has) that it's acceptable for any reasonable intelligent person to choose to drive drunk, and only be guilty of a 'one lapse in judgement'?
This case is sad, no way one can say it isn't - along with all the other drunk driving cases that are equally tragic. But the really sad part of all this is that the laws are still not strong enough to stop this criminal behaviour in 'good' people. This guy (and any other intelligent person who chooses to drive drunk) should be scared sh*tless about the reprocussions of driving drunk - that it doesn't even enter their mind to do so. You're still going to have idiots driving drunk, but I'd bet money this particular guy wouldn't have made the decision he did if there was a zero tolerance towards alcohol and driving (along with some steep penalties if you even blow a .02).
Getting off my pulpit now.
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