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Topic: Your prejudices., How do you deal with them?< Next Oldest | Next Newest >
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 5:44 pm  Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Recently, several incidences and experiences have forced me to come face to face with my own prejudices and preconceived notions.  I consider myself a fairly tolerant guy -at least as much as most and more than a lot of people I know.  Still, lately I've been forced to admit that I have a number of prejudices, racial and otherwise, that I do not find very flattering in myself.  Try as I might to avoid them, they are still there and extremely hard to shake.  It bothers me no end. How do you folks deal with your own prejudices - we all have them - and what do you do to get rid of them, if that's possible?  This has really been weighing on me lately.

Thanks.


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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 5:51 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I face them at home.  I know I have some preconceived notions about people of all sorts, and most of them are wrong when applied to individuals.  When I am out and about, I try to treat everyone with respect until shown otherwise.  

Some of my good friends are fans of SEC teams, yet otherwise they are very intelligent people.  I just have to grant them a little leeway for that particular sign of mental instability. :)  


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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 6:17 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I try very hard to remember that people that wear neckties and suits are real people with hopes and dreams just like normal people.

But it's been a lifetime of struggle.

The one uniform that I just reflexively react negatively towards....
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 6:31 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

It's not me. It's you.

Works every time.


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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 6:47 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

This is a tough question to answer.  I try to remember that we are, all of us, people.  I am no better than you, no better than her, no better than them, and so on.  We all have something we are not proud of and the fact that you can admit to it already has you at an advantage.  There are people who are so stuck in their own thoughts on what is "right", that no amount of cajoling or counseling will change them.

The way that I have dealt with my prejudices is to go into each situation with a fresh attitude and to remember that each person is unique.  Give the benefit of the doubt to a prudent extent.  It's worked for me.

Hope this helps.


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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 7:32 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I'm perfectly fine with my prejudices and have no plans to change them.  As previously stated "it's not me, it's you".
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:00 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Are you Donald Sterling's new lawyer?

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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:14 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Did not say anything about race..  Prejudices come in many, various forms, but the fact you went "there" make me wonder about you..


I see this going TPA right shortly...
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:28 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

There are people who will avoid certain types of people if they can.  As Mark Cuban recently noted, he would cross the street to avoid a bald man with tattoos, if met at night.  I can see him picturing the classic motorcycle bad dude.  There are images of bad guys we have in our heads, and we all try to avoid them. Whether any one person who happens to like that look is actually a bad person is not for certain.  

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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:31 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I think many prejudices are against groups and if you allow yourself, you will find people in these groups are ok.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:34 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(oldnolder @ May 28 2014, 9:31 pm)
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I think many prejudices are against groups and if you allow yourself, you will find people in these groups are ok.

I dunno man.  I think backpackers are dirty and smelly.

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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:37 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

You do the best you can, you acknowledge them and don't let them prevent you from being the best person you can be. Call it prejudice, stereotype, whatever you want, everyone of us is ultimately a judge however much any of us think we !@#$ ice cream.

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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:50 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

Dirty.  Smelly.

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"Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again...They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave."
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 9:58 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

My Dad talked like the most racially prejudiced person around. He had slurs and stereotypes for every race, and he swore they were true - and a lot of his generation and family spoke without thinking so the "N word" was in his name for vinegar and brazil nuts and our black poodle, and he had several names for people from Mexico, and Poland and Hungary and on and on.  So at first that was the language I used.

but fortunately, even though he was raised with prejudice, as a norm - he was kind hearted and in person never treated someone as anything but a potential friend, we used to say he had never met a stranger, only friends he didn't know yet. So growing up hearing him talk about each new neighbor or co-worker as an amazing exception, I really can't count the number of times I heard him say "All (fill in the blanks) are (Fill in this Blank too), but Henry, he isn't like that at all, he actually works hard, and values his family and  . . ."  It actually made an eye opening example that led me to realize that people were very much more alike than they are different, which is a good thing to know as a teacher, when you always encounter various religions, races, handicaps, etc.


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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 10:14 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

To my knowledge, the only antidote to prejudice is relationship.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 10:21 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I grew up in the middle of the jungle in Liberia, West Africa. I remember arriving by freighter in New York when I was about 12, looking down at the docks and seeing all the white faces and being afraid.

This didn't happen when we finally returned and I was 16. I'd like to think I grew up and overcame my fears.


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PostIcon Posted on: May 28 2014, 11:55 pm Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(ol-zeke @ May 28 2014, 4:51 pm)
QUOTE
Some of my good friends are fans of SEC teams, yet otherwise they are very intelligent people.  I just have to grant them a little leeway for that particular sign of mental instability. :)  

Yep, utter insanity.  How many national championship do we have -- in a row?  :;):

GEAUX TIGERS!!

******************

Back to the OP, though ... I think awareness is a big first step in dealing with biases.  I attend a class about once a year on this topic because it's important to my job.  One of the interesting examples given more than once is:

Speeding car, blaring music, runs a stop sign.  Cops pursue, car speeds up.  Cops give chase.  (etc etc)





Then the questions:

How many of you saw the car as a Mercedes?

How many of you heard classical music?

How many of you saw middle-aged, upper class white women?

etc etc etc


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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 6:56 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

IMHO. I think the world would be a better place if we accepted ans understood that we are different. Races are different. Cultures are different. Its just a fact. White guys can't dance, Asian people can't drive and black people are better at basketball. It's not a negative thing to be different. I say prejudge away. It becomes a problem when your notions hurt someone else. Otherwise, have at it.

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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 7:26 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

QUOTE
Its just a fact. White guys can't dance, Asian people can't drive and black people are better at basketball.

None of this is true actually.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 7:37 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I am going to throw a lot of links at you. I train our faculty and staff at UCF on LGBTQ issues. In the class we talk a lot about power, privilege, prejudice, intersectionality, and all the "isms". Your local college may have a diversity course or series. We do and all employees are required to take it. Enjoy!

White Privilege

Racial microaggressions

How to talk about Privilege

Talking about Race


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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 7:48 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(treelinebackpacker @ May 29 2014, 7:26 am)
QUOTE
QUOTE
Its just a fact. White guys can't dance, Asian people can't drive and black people are better at basketball.

None of this is true actually.

Yes it is.

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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 8:19 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(TheBluMan @ May 28 2014, 4:47 pm)
QUOTE
There are people who are so stuck in their own thoughts on what is "right", that no amount of cajoling or counseling will change them.

For me realizing the world is not black and white, but more shades of grey. That said, race is not really an issue with me but rather one's own "image branding", words and actions.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:11 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(VAN @ May 29 2014, 7:37 am)
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Thanks for the links.  I enjoyed them all.  I found the pictures of micro-aggression to be telling.  Several times I have wondered about a person's ethnicity, and a few times I have asked, but never with meanness in my heart.  I can see how that person might tire of the question, or be hurt by it.

Privilege is something I am acutely aware of in my own life.  White, male, upper middle class, straight, right handed, all are things that make life easier for me.  I had little, or nothing, to do with that privilege.  Just being aware of how much easier it is for me, makes me more empathetic towards others less privileged.

I overheard a young, angry, black man yelling at his young,white, female, parole officer about how she had no idea of what it meant to be part of an oppressed group.  Profanities were involved.  I will never forget her answer.  "Black men got the Right to Vote long before any women, white,  black, or anything else.  Black men still earn more than any women, so don't lecture me about oppression."


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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:28 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I hate all people equally regardless of race creed or color.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:39 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

I have a few thoughts on the issue.  As usual, it's worth remembering that my nurse wife is FAR more liberal than my own cop self.  We talk about a lot of things and we've both shifted philosophical positions based upon these conversations.

1) If I'm telling a story, I tend to describe the people in it.  I'll tell her something like, "The guy came to the door trying to sell siding.  White male, 20-25 years old, 6 feet tall, blond hair, khakis and polo shirt".  She used to get very upset telling me that it was due to my white background that I immediately notice (and remember, and mention) race and gender.  I've finally brought her around to understanding that it's not my background, it's my training.  When I tell you it's a "race/gender", that's not a judgement, it's a statement of fact.  I feel that if your mind fills in stereotypes after that then that's your issues, not mine.

2) As three noted, relationships overcome preconceived notions.  By background, I was prejudiced against LGBT's.  I wouldn't have harmed them by any stretch, but I did indeed consider them to be "wrong" for lack of a better descriptor.  Spending time with some of these folks has brought me around to a new mindset where I no longer see Nancy and Lesley, that nice old lesbian couple, now they're just my friends Nancy and Lesley.  When I feel those old prejudices kicking in, I remind myself that I wouldn't think these things about my friends, why should I allow those thoughts about strangers.

3) Acknowledge the differences.  I really do believe that anyone that insists that we all share the same exact values and goals is delusional.

4) Acknowledge reality.  I completely understand the point of the exercise that CajunHiker described above. I personally envisioned a tinted out muscle car with a young male driver.  The reason I envisioned that is that the OVERWHELMING number of times I've encountered that situation, it was a young male driver in a tinted out car.  Frankly I didn't fill in the music type or his race when I considered it, those details just weren't important enough to me to fill in as they apparently vary enough.


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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:42 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(VAN @ May 29 2014, 7:37 am)
QUOTE
I am going to throw a lot of links at you. I train our faculty and staff at UCF on LGBTQ issues. In the class we talk a lot about power, privilege, prejudice, intersectionality, and all the "isms". Your local college may have a diversity course or series. We do and all employees are required to take it. Enjoy!

White Privilege

Racial microaggressions

How to talk about Privilege

Talking about Race

Those look like typical "white guilt" courses usually dished out a ultra militant leftist universities.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:44 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(Starbreaker @ May 29 2014, 9:42 am)
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Those look like typical "white guilt" courses usually dished out a ultra militant leftist universities.

LOL!  Great pun.  Or should I say, "Oh, the irony!"  

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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:46 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE


(ol-zeke @ May 29 2014, 9:44 am)
QUOTE

(Starbreaker @ May 29 2014, 9:42 am)
QUOTE
Those look like typical "white guilt" courses usually dished out a ultra militant leftist universities.

LOL!  Great pun.  Or should I say, "Oh, the irony!"  

Yes, did you see what I did there?
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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:56 am Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

With respect to one of the listed "microaggressions," I must admit that my mind is organized geographically. Accordingly, "Where are you from?" is probably one of the first questions that I ask someone. I have a tendency to remember than more than their name or face. Many hikers especially, seem to be have originated somewhere other than the locality where I encounter them, but exceptions are recorded as well.

Maybe twice in my decades of life did I perceive upon asking that the person was uncomfortable with the question. I don't think I ever took it to the point of asking "where are you really from" but I could be wrong. Maybe about a year ago did I hear (probably on NPR) that some people see this question as a negative (although the term "microaggression" is new to me).

So now I actively stop myself from asking "Where are you from?" if I perceive the person as a potential immigrant or non-white ethnicity.

Is that prejudice?
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PostIcon Posted on: May 29 2014, 9:57 am Skip to the previous post in this topic.  Ignore posts   QUOTE


(Starbreaker @ May 29 2014, 9:46 am)
QUOTE

(ol-zeke @ May 29 2014, 9:44 am)
QUOTE

(Starbreaker @ May 29 2014, 9:42 am)
QUOTE
Those look like typical "white guilt" courses usually dished out a ultra militant leftist universities.

LOL!  Great pun.  Or should I say, "Oh, the irony!"  

Yes, did you see what I did there?

Be open minded! Not all militant leftist universities are urban.  :p
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